Are you people watching the Olympics? You should be. Not because of patriotism or any of that crap, but because at any given time something awesome might happen. Case in point: The other day, during the women’s Thing Where They Race The Snowboards Down The Hill, was one of the most incredible sports moments I can remember. The U.S. snowboarder, Linsday Imtoolazytolookupherlastname, had a commanding lead with just one last easy jump to fly over. So, while the commentators are falling all over themselves congratulating her on her gold medal-winning performance, she decides to bust out a celebratory little grab-the-board-in-midair trick. Oops. She managed to finally drag her face up out of the snow just in time to see the winner slide right past her across the finish line. Legendary. She will never get over that. Never. Even the announcers were shattered. She is now the Bill Buckner of female snowboarding. Or maybe Greg Norman, if you’re a golf fan. Actually, what it reminded me of most was Don Beebe chasing down an oblivious Leon Lett in Super Bowl XXVII. But at least the Cowboys won that game.

I mean, I feel bad for her in a way; she seemed like a nice enough girl in the post-race interview. But it’s always nice to see poor sportsmanship actually come back and bite someone in the ass once in a while; this is a good object lesson for the kids out there that idolize showboating assholes like Terrell Owens or Sammy Sosa. Hopefully she can rebound and learn from this, and not pull a Donnie Moore and shoot herself.

Anyway, while this was all going on, they periodically cut to a shot of one of the other competitors who had lost control and flown into the little side barrier at about 80 thousand mph. As they are carting this battered chick off the course (in what looked suspiciously like a body bag), the announcers are going on and on about the shocking and sickening thing they had just witnessed. You know, where the girl hot-dogged and lost. Way to keep your eye on the prize there, assholes. I’m sure the other girl’s parents were distraught pondering the endorsement opportunities lost because of this act of show-offiness.

The incident was also the centerpiece of NBC’s hilarious montage of Olympic “highlights” set to “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel. Yeah, great song, but I’m almost positive it has nothing to do with sports. I guess they weren’t able to get the rights to Boyz II Men’s “End of the Road”.

More in a few days…

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