You know the term “Verbal Diarrhea” people use sometimes? Like when somebody just starts talking and won’t shut up and goes on and on? I wonder if there is a similar term for writing/typing. “Diarrhea of the Fingers”? “Carpal Diarrhea”? “Ayn Rand Syndrome”? Whatever it is, this blog entry is gonna be like that. I wanted to get one more in before Christmas, and I have no real ideas. I guess you could say I have “writer’s blog”. Ha! Get it? Writer’s blog! I’m very very sorry.

— I had this thought about a week ago that the song “White Christmas” might not be referring to snow. And no, not cocaine either, like you may be thinking. Wouldn’t it be tremendous if it was just a horribly racist Christmas song? And it was misinterpreted for all these years and became entrenched as a Christmas tradition, but it had these horrible roots? My original plan for this blog was to have something like “Top 10 Songs Heard at the KKK Christmas Party” and have “White Christmas” be #1. But I soon realized that I couldn’t think of anything good for #2-10. “Tyrell Got Run Over By a Johndeere”, “O (Burning) Cross-mas Tree”, “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen (Unless You’re Black, In Which Case, Fuck Off)”. All of those are sort of funny, in an awful-punny kind of way, but you couldn’t make a whole list like that. Maybe next year…

— All I’ve been hearing about the last couple weeks is this “controversy” about Wal-Mart and other companies using “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”. First of all, hasn’t this been happening for, like, ever? I can distinctly remember being wished “Happy Holidays” from people like Nitro from American Gladiators or the entire cast and crew of “Home Improvement” for years now. Or even in the graphics on the top of the screen during football games. It seems to me that the norm is “Happy Holidays” this and “Happy Holidays” that and has been for some time. I am actually surprised that Wal-Mart still used “Merry Christmas” so recently in this era of extreme political correctness. Why is this all of a sudden such a big deal?

While I dislike PC-ness as a general rule, the “Happy Holidays” thing never really bothered me. While there are a lot of Christians in this country, there are also a metric shitload of us who aren’t; it’s easy to forget that this time of year when Christmas is practically shoved up your ass. Although, I still celebrate Christmas too, so really, I have no point. Regardless, it’s a nice gesture, recognizing diversity and all that shit. So it takes a special kind of asshole to come out and protest a company for saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”. I’ve seen a couple different articles quoting random protestors spouting nonsense along the lines of “not using the word ‘Christmas’ implies that there is something sinful about it”, or that “Happy Holidays” is a slight against Christians. Well, no, fuckface, it’s not. It’s actually an un-slight against everyone else. It’s like these fucking bigots have their noses shoved so deep into their bibles that they can’t tell the difference.

Also, this quote made me laugh out loud: “Dick Otterstad of the Church of the Divide donned a Santa Claus costume and greeted shoppers with the message: Don’t forget about the meaning of Christmas.” Wait, was Santa Claus one of the three wise men? Wasn’t there some “Jesus” guy involved somehow?

— I was struck by inspiration for another blog thing like two weeks ago, at 2 AM while I was eating my delicious Honey Bunches of Oats. And then, the next day, I couldn’t remember it at all. It was like that Seinfeld episode where Jerry has an idea for a bit in the middle of the night and writes it down, only to wake up and have no idea what the hell he wrote. He eventually realized that he had written “flaming globes of Sigmund”, which clearly isn’t funny. This was just like that, except I didn’t write it down, I’m not a fictional television character (that I know of), and I don’t know if my idea was funny or not because I still don’t know what it was. So, actually, it’s completely different.

On that note, I just want to wish everyone reading this a safe and Merry Holiday and a happy new year too and if I hear Feliz Navidad one more time I’m gonna stick a screwdriver right through my eardrum into my brain.